Balls Are Cool.

My wife and I just got done watching a National Geographic special about 9/11. They focused on speaking with the people that were actually there, and in a lot of cases talked to the emergeny operators and survivors.

I was surprised how emotional the whole thing made me. A lot has changed in my life since that day, most especially the fact that I now have a wife and kids. I think it hit closer to home as they talked about speaking with people in their last moments of life, and how most of them just wanted their families and loved ones to know they were OK.

Another  emotion that erupted from within, which somewhat surprised me, was anger. That there were people in this world capable of inflicting that kind of damage on an entire society, merely because we believe differently then they do.

This is not anger with Muslims, Arabs, or any particular race or culture. This is the same anger I feel when I read about the man in Utah County who shot his wife, Kristy Ragsdale, as she was getting out of the car to go to church Sunday. Or when I read about Verne Jenkins, who was shot and killed after chasing a would-be thief out of a convenience store for stealing, of all things, a pack of gum.

It leads me to ask the question: What the HELL is wrong with these people?

Sometimes, I think people like this should be taken somewhere and executed. Painfully. Or tortured, or something far worse. Think of the pain and suffering these people and countless others have evoked on the friends and family these people have left behind.

And on the flipside of that intense hate, I wonder what circumstances could possibly have led up to these tragic events. What types of environments could these people have lived in to cause them to feel that these actions would somehow grant them a paradisiacal afterlife with God? Or, that shooting this person was the only way out of their current situation? What drives a person to kill?

In some ways, it’s why I fervently hope there is a God with the power to dish out punishments worthy of such offenses.

Unfortunately, all I can do is hope.

Tags: Random, Religion, Stupidity by Balls!
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I’m sitting here in bed tonight, finishing my second Bacardi Silver. (Not my favorite. I like Smirnoff Ice better, if I’m just going for cheerleader beer.) My wife is next to me, doing her little word puzzles she likes so much. We just got done watching Will & Grace (I bought her the first season on DVD for Christmas.)

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Wow. How thrilling.” Well, yeah. Not really. But I mention this for a reason.

First off, a little over a year ago, I was a card-carrying member of the Mormon church. I was in what I call the “questioning” phase — I wasn’t sure what I believed anymore. We’d just had our fourth child, and the religion (or social customs, depending on how you look at it), dictated that I bless my new baby in church.

I wasn’t feeling too hot about that, but I didn’t want to disappoint my wife, my parents, or any of the extended family. I grew up in a very, VERY Mormon family. So I went through with it.

Fast forward eleven months, and here I sit having a drink. I don’t attend church. I don’t wear the garments anymore. I’ve come to the realization that I do not believe in anything I was taught growing up. (I brought up Will & Grace ’cause my wife pointed out how much I used to dislike that show. Because it was teaching my kids bad things. Y’know, ’cause gay people are messed up. At least, that’s what I was taught growing up.)

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not anti-Mormon or anything. If that’s what you believe — go for it. If you’re convinced it’s teachings are true — more power to you. But can you do me a favor? Will you (and everyone else who is a member of your church, most especially those who live in my neighborhood) do me a couple of favors?

1. Please stop judging me. I have chosen a different path. I am happy with my choice. I feel better then I’ve felt in YEARS, actually. Does that mean I am telling you your church is not true? No. It means I don’t believe it is. I have no right to tell you what to do, or to interpret what you feel God may or may not be telling you. That’s your business, not mine. (Just like me not believing is MY business, not yours.)

2. Please, stop asking me if there are any questions you can answer for me. Think of the inference there — you’re saying that if I were better informed, I would not have made this choice. Or maybe that’s not what you mean… maybe you mean to say that I haven’t read ENOUGH, and that when I have, I will change my mind. Well, sorry, but I’ve read all the same books you’ve read. I served a 2-year mission, went through the temple, and held all sorts of callings. I spent years reading the approved church books. I’ve spent the last two reading other books, which are most definitely NOT on the “approved” list. If, after all that, I still think parting ways with the religion is a good thing, do you think ANYTHING you have to say is going to make a difference?

3. Please, stop treating me like I have a disease. I really wish what I “have” is contagious, but it’s not. Let’s follow that dream for a second… just imagine, people treating people like human beings no matter WHAT religion they subscribed to. Imagine all the shit this world wouldn’t have to deal with.

4. Please, quit telling me to “think of the children.” Question for you: How many kids have grown up as non-Mormons in this world? Do you think all of them are bad people? And if your answer included anything like “no, but just think how much better they’d be if they were Mormon,” don’t you think you’re being a little pretentious? Face it, folks, good people come from all walks of life. And if you think I’m condemning my children to hell — or, even if you think I’m somehow lessening their potential in life — what kind of God do you believe in, that would punish children for their parent’s mistakes?

OK, all ranting aside — thankfully, there are many, many members of the LDS faith out there who do not fall into any of these categories. They are good people, living a religion that fits their needs. I’m not out here to knock that! If my kids grow up and decide to be Mormon, good for them. I don’t care WHAT they do with their lives, as long as they are happy, and trying to contribute to society. Personally, I think God feels that way too.

My wife is wonderful — I was afraid she’d leave me when I told her how I was feeling, but she’s stood by my side through all of it. My kids aren’t old enough for a discussion about this (and I have no desires to push them one way or another). I am fortunate to have a very open-minded sister I can talk to about things… but I fear I will never be able to talk to my parents and other siblings about my feelings. At least, not without my mother crying and my brother giving me that look — the one that says “How in the world could you do this?”

So, instead, I blog about this. Pseudo-anonymously. And hope that someday I’ll be able to let this out, and stop feeling like I have to hide who I really am.

Tags: Religion by Balls!
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